Loving Conflict: How your unmet needs chose your partner, fuel your arguments, and reveal the way to deep
connection.

This book describes how to use the skills we teach our clients, which we call the Teamwork Method, in your own relationship. Once you have these skills (even if it’s only one of you that learns them) you will understand why you keep having those same old arguments. You’ll know what to do differently and will be able to (finally!) unwrap the unopened gifts of love and satisfaction that masquerade as conflict.

Why You Do Everything You Do and Say Everything You say

Probably the single most important contribution Marshall Rosenberg, author of "NVC: A Language of Life" made to our understanding of what motivates and confounds human interactions is his idea about Universal Human Needs. Needs are a repository of universal wisdom deep within us. Guided by that wisdom, our relationships flourish. Without it, those very moments of potential inspiration instead can result in those same old arguments.

During his mediation training, Max Rivers was taught to mediate the interests and issues. He later tried mediating the relationship, and eventually, by adding NVC into the mix, was able to get to the cause of couples conflicts.

So, what is this book about? This book is about learning to apply the skills of mediation to your own relationship.

It’s about getting to the root cause of your conflict and helping you learn to meet each other’s needs.

It’s about understanding what those arguments are really about and learning how to get to the other side of them.

It’s about learning the communication skills that can result in fewer, shorter, less intense arguments, and actually getting to resolution.

Because the Teamwork Method is such a focused process, we can reasonably predict how long it will take with most couples: six hour-and-a-half sessions: nine hours.
That turns out to be enough time to teach most couples enough skills to be able to not only solve their presenting issues, but to continue growing the intimacy of their relationship.

A Book In Two Sections:

Section One describes our understanding of how your mindset locks you into conflict, and what you can do about it.

Section Two describes how to use these same skills “after the war is over” to create a Mature Relationship and a return to effortless love.

By the end you will have learned the Teamwork Method, which is the bedrock of our work. Once you have these skills (even if it’s only one of you who learns them), you will not only understand why you kept having those same old arguments, you’ll know what to do differently so you will be able to (finally!) unwrap the unopened gifts that were hidden behind all those same old arguments.

Are you ready to get started?