[Story] How NVC transformed my life
25-Apr-2024
Read an inspiring story about the transformation that Nonviolent Communication brought into life of one of our Certified Trainers Katrina Vaillancourt.
"To be quite honest - vulnerably so - my life of 17 years ago was in many ways brutally dark and painful. I had experienced so much loss and hardship, I had suicidal fantasies for three years before another four years of regular periods of dark depression and anxiety. The circumstances around my divorce from my son's father were completely devastating to me. In retrospect it is easy for me to see how previous events in my life had built up to that nightmarish circumstance, and how I actively, albeit unconscious co-created that life experience... but at the time, I felt like a complete victim to life.
It was my darkest time and ultimately my greatest blessing in the adventure of this earth school. It was the event that caused me to self-reflect, do the deep-dive work, and to wake up to the core of my being - what really matter - which ultimately is only Love.
And it was Nonviolent Communication that empowered me to turn everything around. My entrance into this form of education, practice and work marked the beginning of my complete rebirth - a phoenix rising from the ashes into an empowered life that I love!
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) saved my relationship with my son when he was 9 years old – empowering me to build the kind of mother/son bond with him that most parents only dream of. We haven’t had an argument since he was 11 (and he's turning 26 today 
).
).It healed my friendship and generated a healthy co-parenting with my ex-husband.
It helped me navigate the difficulties of dealing with multiple step-parents as my ex-husband sought to find his life partner (He eventually found her and I am very happy for them both!!)
It gave me the tools to heal my relationships with my parents (whom I always loved, but also held at an arms length for decades due to the pain I held and judgments I maintained about how I thought they’d fallen short of what they should have been). Now I have the most amazing relationships I could imagine with both of them 
It has empowered me to provide profound emotional support and empowerment to countless people.
It has been the most critical tool for healing and integrating my inner world – reclaiming all my wounded parts (Internal Family Systems).
Prior to NVC I was a professional people-pleaser… a doormat… doing my best to love and be kind, but I was not loving myself… not including myself in the mix. Because of that, I felt like a victim to my life. I would accrue anger and resentment until I would unconsciously explode in anger and pain, then feel so much shame for acting out of alignment with my value for love and kindness.
I had no idea how much I had been unconsciously conditioned to perpetuate pain and disconnection when all I ever wanted was love, connection and a world that worked for everyone.
Now I am not only attentive to other people’s preferences… I can discern their underlying needs, and hold my own will equal care so as to offer ideas that are uplifting for both of us… no more building up explosive resentments 
NVC has given me access to all of this and more.
My journey in NVC is the most rewarding, fulfilling and empowering educational and transformational journey of anything I’ve engaged in. It helps that my personal path blends NVC with other modalities – inner child work, mindfulness, IFS, The Work (Byron Katie), mediation, meditation, Landmark Education, and so much more. Yet in all of it, NVC is the core; it weaves all other modalities into an integrated whole.
There is so much I wish to share about my journey on this path, and no doubt a book is in the works. 
And it is interesting to me how many people I come across who say, “Ah yes… NVC. It’s good.” But they really don’t get how good it is.
So for all of you who think NVC is just another teaching among many teachings… that it’s simply a Four Step Process emphasizing the importance of feeling and expressing emotions and needs… that it can’t really help you work through your most challenging relationship dynamics… I wish to say to you that you’ve only scratched the surface.
When you really grok NVC, when you dive deep into these tools, it will completely transform your life – empowering you to love fully and freely – relieving you of self-negating thoughts and judgments – liberating you to become the fullest expression of your heart’s potential.
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