IIT IN HUNGARY 

The last IIT I organised in Hungary was in 2004 with Marshall Rosenberg. To have something similar now, 20 years later, without Marshall, stimulated “sweet pain,” as I have learned from him… and a great amount of joy as well.  (In 2020, the Hungarian IIT was the first to be cancelled by CNVC because of the Covid pandemic.) 

There are very few things in my life about which I am so confident as this: when there are 90 or so people together for 9 days, all of whom are holding the intention to practice Nonviolent Communication, something deep is going to happen. 

I am a little worried that we do not have enough private bathrooms at this location, but I am confident that when you arrive at the venue, your focus will be captured by magnificent nature, trees, bushes, flowers, other people and super delicious food. And have you ever tried to have your morning/evening shower out in nature? People will not see you. I love to sleep outside, and this location is going to offer us all many interesting and still safe opportunities… 

BEFORE I GOT ACQUAINTED WITH NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

I could relate to people around me in two ways, based on the patterns I learned. Either I didn’t stand up for myself and did what I was told or what I assumed others wanted, or I implemented my own idea without taking the other person into account. Neither solution led to an experience of belonging. However, this is what I learned from people around me. 

MY STORY

In 1996, I met Marshall B. Rosenberg.  He was able to talk with the people he met, including me, with such depth of empathy, which led me to experience a level of emotional security and inspiration I had never known before.

This experience had an enormous influence on my life. After a couple of years, I was able to see and understand a lot more about myself. As a result, I could talk not only about  what happened to me, but also about what was going on inside of me.

As my clarity grew, I noticed that I could get increasingly curious about and “tuned into” the experiences of others. Because of this, I can now hear the other person’s possible feelings, needs and requests behind their words, even if their words seem offensive at first.

With these skills, I can form and maintain much more mutually supportive and loving relationships. It is no longer just “your will or mine”, but increasingly an experience of real cooperation.

For many years, I had a note on the mirror of my bathroom that said:  “If I do not value my needs, others won’t either.”

Today, I am basically satisfied with the quality of my relationships. I can draw my boundaries in a way that allows me to find the ideal closeness in a given situation or relationship. It is a long-learning process and not a state. And I am at peace with not doing it perfectly – only better and better, since we are all constantly changing.

MY BACKGROUND

I started learning Business in highschool, then I got a BA in it. In my search for the meaning of my life, I got another BA as a teacher. But this was still not satisfying me; I was still searching. When I met Marshall Rosenberg on a two-day training in Hungary, I was hesitant. I couldn't formulate what I liked, but I was clear that, for me, there were too many emotions in the room of 70 people; many of us were crying and hugging. Yet something kept inspiring me to go back to these trainings. During the first couple of years, I couldn't integrate anything.

Then all of a sudden, I quit my job and was telling people that I would give myself a year to see if I could earn my living by sharing Nonviolent Communication. The most memorable reaction came from my mom: "We thought, when you get older, you would become wiser, but instead you get more stupid. How can you leave a decent job, just because you do not enjoy it? You liked this one and it got boring. The new one will be the same." This happened more than 25 years ago, and I have the sense that, the more time I spend practicing NVC, the more I enjoy it!

MY SPECIALITIES

• I love to work with IT guys. Usually they are logical and not too sweet.
• I also love to work with people who are committed to change.
• I offer day-long trainings for 100 participants. I have learned to make these interactive enough to keep everybody in the room. In Hungarian, we are offering parallel training for children as well.
• I am working on an online system to increase the effectiveness of my sessions.
• I am also helping to develop NVC school programs, and, so far, we have one school that is actively using an NVC based “peer mediation” in each classroom.